У кого есть или нет инвалидности у детей, к вам вопрос. У меня есть подруга: у её ребёнка аутист. Ребёнок на учётах в психдиспансере, и она говорит, как нужна инвалидность и как её оформить. На самом деле получить инвалидность сейчас сложно, но на этой неделе она снова ходила туда, и ей одобрили оформление инвалидности. Она рассказала об этом мужу, маме и отцу. По поводу мужа: он считает, что она ему испортила жизнь, родив ребёнка; он не просил такого и хочет жить один, планирует купить дом и жить отдельно. Мать совсем не помогает: не проводила с ребёнком время, с ним никому не сидеть. Так или иначе, представьте, что у вас пока нет собственного жилья и работы: с таким ребёнком вы вряд ли сможете работать, денег нет. Но муж против инвалидности именно по аутизму. Мы начали искать информацию в интернете: говорят, что если ребёнок станет взрослее и более адекватным, то его могут не взять на работу, не взять в армию, не сможет водить машину. Ей запудрили мозги, и теперь она думает отказаться от инвалидности. Вы бы оформили инвалидность или отказались бы в такой ситуации?
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Tuti
An autistic person will not become 'normal,' and even if it happened, the disability would be removed and they would be able to study, work, and obtain rights. And this—you have something wrong with your written speech, it's a real problem.....
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Natalya
Well, there are autistic people, more or less. There is a guy—he has a channel on VK and not only that; he talks and even models.
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Chudo
I’d actually divorce my husband and move in with you.
Since you’re a friend, you’d surely help—offer me a place to stay and help with looking after my relative who has a disability 😁
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Natalya
Tuti I was writing quickly; I should have typed it faster 😃
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Yana Osadchaya
I would have filled it out. But we’re thinking about it hypothetically here; the choice isn’t up to us. Autistic people don’t wake up healthy one day, unfortunately. Disability status can be lifted. In reality, it doesn’t matter whether it will be in the child or not; now all diagnoses are accessible to government agencies (the traffic police, for example). If a person has had a medical assessment for a disease that is incompatible with driving, they will not be granted a license, even if they do not have a disability.
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Natalya
Chudo She has a lot of relatives; for now, she has housing, and there will be more.
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Krivtsova Ekaterina
Let him handle it and stop acting up. If I am mistaken, he is about three years old. And autism is already being diagnosed? Does he have speech? Does he understand spoken language?
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Nastya15
Yes, the author's friend has grown used to it; she already has two not-quite-stable people in her life—her husband and his mother… The son turned out to be no more stable than they are.
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Lyali
Of course, we'll format it.
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Lyubanya
Autism can be mild, but the boy has problems and he will not return to normal. Please understand that everyone has different problems, and the boy's problems are serious and will remain.
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Krivtsova Ekaterina
Do you have a brother who is verbal?
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Chudo
Chudo Could you possibly help me?
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Natalya
Chudo There is no living space.
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Natalya
Krivtsova Ekaterina There are no words, and there is no understanding.
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Chudo
Chudo So there's no point in chattering away with your tongue either😁
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Lyubanya
Sister, she understands speech, but not always; she cannot live independently anymore; she is already legally incapacitated according to the documents.
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Natalya
And hasn't your 19-year-old brother become at least somewhat more sane? Of course, a friend's hope is that he will become normal, or at least more reasonable.
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Krivtsova Ekaterina
Is anyone speaking?
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Marija
Of course, we should file the paperwork. At least that would bring in some money for the classes, and there would be a chance to bring him closer to a typical baseline. There are chances to receive free rehabilitation at centers. Even if small, it’s helpful.
And removing the disability status is easier than obtaining it. Also, it's not yet clear whether he will be able to drive a car or join the army without the disability status; autism is unpredictable.
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Lyubanya
Like a child between three and five years old, and not always.
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Natalya
Well, there are nuances, yes. The main thing is to discharge him before he turns 18, but there are diagnoses that still affect the future. The older one is autistic; there was a disability, they were thinking of enrolling him as a seaman, but the medical commissions squeezed every last bit out of us, and in the end he went to another university, so they didn’t finish, but I think they wouldn’t have been able to anyway—there they check things to the limit, it’s brutal.
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Lyubanya
No, this is not brain damage, and it will not become brain damage. Please understand this, you and your friend.
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Lyana
Of course I would apply. They don’t grant disability just like that.
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Natalya
I see it. And of course it won't happen. But a friend is a mother after all, and she harbors hopes.
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Starinchikova Elena
This particular disability won't affect her permanently; it's not lifelong, there will be periodic evaluations, and if she approaches normal functioning, it will be removed.
But this is an enormous undertaking: it requires constant effort and costs a lot of money and time.
The correctional garden program could allow her to work at least half a day.
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Natalya
Starinchikova Elena This isn't an easy path, of course; it's terrible...
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Lyubanya
She simply doesn't want to deal with this, and that's all.
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Krivtsova Ekaterina
I understood.
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Natalya
What are you dealing with?
If you’re talking about the disability paperwork, they approved everything for her. There’s still a mess there.
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Lyubanya
With a child, as if waking up healthy at the wave of a wand, he should also familiarize himself in advance with the procedure for establishing incapacity, since that is handled through the courts.
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Krivtsova Ekaterina
Krivtsova Ekaterina Unfortunately, this is very sad.
Let them take care of it.
A friend began to understand at around 4.5.
By 5.6, he had said everything.
Intellectual abilities are normal.
The other traits are tactful, and there are communication problems.
But overall, it isn’t bad.
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Natalya
She's not going to dive into it just yet; the child is currently 3.7 years old, and she takes him to classes all over.
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Natalya
Krivtsova Ekaterina It's really sad, yes. This is the only friend I have who has a child like this. I felt so overwhelmed when I saw him. He didn't respond to me or to anyone. And even now he's in his own world; she calls to him, but he doesn't seem to care—he's on his own wavelength. He runs around, mooing.
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Krivtsova Ekaterina
Krivtsova Ekaterina 🥹
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Natasha
This disability is not permanent.
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Irina
Krivtsova Ekaterina The same thing happened to my daughter as well.
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Shashkova Anna
Chudo Then what's the point of saying there's no help and waiting for it? Nowhere.
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Natalya
Chudo And you don't have any autistic children, so why are you writing about this topic? You just want to scribble somewhere.
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Natalya
Chudo They are currently living together in a small house.
But they want to move apart.
If he kicks her out, she will have nowhere to go.
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Shashkova Anna
Chudo What do you mean by 'nowhere'? Did she actually live under a bridge before she got married?
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Natalya
Chudo There’s a tiny one-room apartment where only she and her child are registered, but her father lives there. It’s such a small studio that she won’t be able to live there.
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Shashkova Anna
Chudo Why can't it be? Small, but it's hers. Not a palace, so what?
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Irina
Krivtsova Ekaterina Well, the boy is almost four; perhaps they'll grant it right away. A female acquaintance had it arranged when she was three—the problems were the same.
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Natalya
Chudo It's impossible to be there: Dad is already old and sick, and the whole apartment is smoke-filled.
It's hard to be there, not to mention living there.
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Anna
Please fill out the form clearly.
And if the husband didn't want a child, I understand him.
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Natalya
Anna I didn't want to.
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Anna
Anna Then what's the point?
A child needs two parents.
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Natalya
Anna Well, she went through IVF, and this is the baby that was born; her husband blames her for everything.
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Anna
Anna Well, I think he's right.
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Starinchikova Elena
Starinchikova Elena Yes, this path isn’t easy. It’s very hard. Besides the numerous material costs, you also have to stay disciplined and study at home.
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Natalya
Starinchikova Elena At home, she doesn't want to study with her mother.
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Starinchikova Elena
Starinchikova Elena Obviously, he doesn't want to. An approach is needed, but it's hard. We have to push him, through protest, otherwise the effect won't be the same without all of this. My own child also doesn't want to study; at first, in class, he even cried. I was told right away: go through it, don't spare yourself, don't give up.
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Natalya
Krivtsova Ekaterina Well, judging by his behavior, he seems autistic, and it's not clear why they don't want the invitation. My friend has nearly reached the acceptance stage, but her husband seems to be in denial.
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Irina
Krivtsova Ekaterina It's a common situation when husbands don't accept the diagnosis.
My husband doesn't believe she'll be like this for the rest of her life either.
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Natalya
Krivtsova Ekaterina I know—I've heard. It's sad, of course, with all that's happening...
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Irina
Krivtsova Ekaterina It's just that the child isn't like everyone else) he sees and feels the world differently) he doesn't need to be treated, but he needs to be understood and helped so that life in society is easier for him)
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Natalya
Krivtsova Ekaterina That's already the parents' responsibility, but there the mother handles it, of course—the father works.
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Irina
Krivtsova Ekaterina Dad also needs to accept and understand)
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